Missing You

Hello blog readers and friends. I have gotten a few questions concerning my lack of involvement in the blogging world lately. I have been AWOL for quite some time. This is not my desire or my intention. We will not have internet access at our house until after the holidays. We opted to switch service providers at a very inopportune time - apparently these cable installing folk are a tad busy before the holidays. Oh well. We can wait. But, I didn't want you all to wonder. I will be back on my game again in about a week. Much love to you all. May your Christmas be blessed and merry and bright.

Pray for Israel, please.

Human trafficking and the sex trade are huge issues that I pray for regularly. I believe it has been put on my heart by my Savior and I cannot let a day go by without thinking of these precious people, their countries and all the evil and sin that is running rampant through our world in this area. Please click here to read about the movement of prayer taking place for Israel during the month of December at Exodus Cry and IHOP. Your prayers are needed. Your care for the unlovely and the broken is required. It's time to get messy and dirty for the sake of the lost. Part of me so wishes I could be there, coaxing women out of this mess. But, for now I am here and this is where I am supposed to be. Please join me in prayer from our warm homes with food, water, shelter, love, freedom and peace and let's pray for those who have none of those things and don't know what life is like without the constant pressure to provide a service that degrades their hearts and violates body, mind and spirit. These women and children are the ones that Jesus would leave the 99 for.
Pray with me...
Father, release them. Open the eyes of the law-makers. Set the captives free. Pour out your power and glory in Israel. Cleanse the land and care for your children who are in chains, without a choice. Hear the cries of the women and children. Silence evil and force it out of your Holy Land. Arise, and tend to the broken and tear-streaked hearts. Make yourself known, O Holy One of Israel. Make them know you alone. I ask this with a humble heart, knowing that I have all I need and knowing that I cannot relate to that level of pain. But I am sincere and want to see these people free. I know You do as well. Come, take your bride and show her what real love looks like.
In Your most powerful name, Amen.

Please hold, your call is important to us...

I am feeling very "under contstruction" lately. (which is why the background looks the way it does - I'm a visual person.) This is not a bad thing, it just is. It's my life right now in many senses of the word. I don't have anything significant to post or anything to contemplate or ponder, but I haven't said hello in a while...So, I will leave you with these pictures of my two darlings and pray you have a wonderful Thanksgiving week.

The girls and I drove to St. Louis to go to the zoo. We had a great time in their kids petting zoo area (as well as the rest of it, it's gorgeous).

Army wife

I knew what I was getting into when I married Sean.

Military life is not easy - never has been. I knew that.

We always knew a time would come when he would

get called up to serve his country...but you can never

be fully ready to hear it.

Well, here we are. Sean is going to a meeting in KC in

a week so that they can go through his records and

check him from head to toe (no joke). At that point

they will decide if he will be leaving to go to Iraq at

this time next year. If so, he will be gone for a full

year.

Please pray for us during this time. The powers that be

are going to need to make a decision regarding his

involvement in this deployment very soon. Pray that

His will would be done. We are hopeful and joyful in

our future and know that our Father in Heaven has

us in His hands. We do not look to the future with dread

or fear. We praise Him and ask Him to lead Sean in the

way he should go.

Okay, peoples

So, I thought my old pic was hilarious...

...but apparently I was the only one.

I don't usually care too much what others think,

but the emails were getting a little overboard.

I kept having to answer, "Yes, I'm fine, it's just funny."

And, "Yeah, that is me....being funny."

And, "Yes, I'm okay...no really I'm okay. No, I'm not sick!"

So, I will relent and let you rest assured that I have not gone off the deep end. I'm healthy and fine and still think it's hilarious.

But because I comment on other blogs and my chats pop up in your windows, I will give you something a little less SNL. I know, I'm softening up.

On a totally different note, my drawings for my friend Joy's book are almost finished. After this, I'm not taking any more jobs from others. I've decided to venture out on my own. I'm going to make a book about Esther for little kids.

I don't know what direction or approach I will take with the illustrations, but I'm going to do it myself and create a hero that kids can look up to. There are far too few books/coloring books/stories about her and my daughter is very disappointed.

So, as I go I will post pics and excerpts.

Pray for me!

Note to Self

Any day is a good day to take your burden to the cross.

You don't have to wait for an appropriate time or occasion.

Humble yourself and unload...you'll find you get lifted up.

*this is a note to myself, although since I'm writing it on

a blog it might seem like it's for you. I don't know, it could be,

but that's up to you.

What is the DEAL?

I have an illustration project I'm working on for someone and the deadline is in two weeks. It's big. It's really big. And I promised to give it my all...but I'm falling ridiculously short. What in me is causing this disconnect in my art? Maybe my heart isn't in it? But I'm mature enough and seasoned enough to know how to push through the "block" and produce something in which I can be both joyful and confident.

I used to get jokes during college when I was getting my BFA. Other kids used to joke with me about doodling my way through school. It seemed almost true back then. It was so easy for me. Now that I am using my art to further His Kingdom and to do His work, it's coming up against major opposition. I have never dealt with this before. I guess rather than pushing through, all I can do is stop and pray.........and blog.

Okay, enough blogging.

And because kids are the best inspiration, this is a picture Lily drew about 8 months ago. She says it's her with her "thinking cap on".

My sweet family

Some of my favorite people visited me today. Mom, Dad, Sam, Cass...you all are already terribly missed by all of us. Sometimes I don't know why we are doing life in different cities. I don't claim to know all that He has planned for us, but I am trusting that it is good...for He is good. If I don't believe that then I start to get all teary-eyed all over again and just ache to have all my favorite people in one place.

I love you, brother. I love you, sister. I love you, Mom and Dad.

Give Him honor and praise this week. He's done far more than we could ever ask. I praise Him for giving us each a future and hope...no matter where that may be.

*snif*

Revelation Song

I have been listening to Revelation Song lately. I love it when I hear it at church or when my brother plays it at his church. Normally, the first impact of a song that powerful hits your soul and then like water, it ripples out. The repeated effect, although still amazing, isn't like the first time you heard it. This song is different. I don't care who is playing it. I don't care if I'm listening in my back room at my house or if I'm at church surrounded by others...the affect is always the same...

Tears, weeping...I feel like I can't get my hands high enough or my face close enough to the ground. I feel Him and I know we are together. I know the words I'm saying I will say forever in eternity, and that's all I want to do when I hear that song. I just want to be in His presence forever worshiping. Some people can't imagine singing to Him forever and not wanting to do other things. I can't think of anything I'd rather do. It's gut wrenching. It's heartbreaking. It's divine. It's the best, the most my heart can give and I hate stopping. I hate the song ending. I don't understand why we end it anyway. My heart rings with eternity and I can't bear walking away.

Yes, doing the day to day things IS praising Him. I get that. I know my children, husband, housework, chores, cooking, etc. are worshipful. I do these things as unto Him. Gladly! But to sit at His feet all day?? Oh I can't wait!

I want to take this love in my heart and turn around and show all my lukewarm friends. All my sweet, burnt-out, trying-to-do-life-alone friends and give them this gift. But can they see it? I know they know the song, I know they know Him, but it's like Esther in One Night with the King. She tries to show them the stars in her necklace - her past, her present and her future. But do they see?

I feel like we have this gift from Him on a silver platter. It's gourmet. Our mouths have never tasted anything this delicious. And we want to share it. We offer it to those we think will appreciate it. We want to share it with the world...but sadly, they are so full of junk food that they don't even appreciate this delicacy.

It's time for a purging. Deep in our bellies. It's time to eat from His hand. To drink from His fountain. To befriend Wisdom.

How do you share this? I have an appetite only for Him, but how does one share hunger to the full?

Oh come, Lrd! Show yourself to these, your people!!

Just a little revelation

There are a few things that I have found very special in my quiet time lately, and I thought I'd share them.

One, I have been reading in John a lot lately. I read John 15 today (a few times) and was struck with such beauty. Jesus' love for his disciples, for us, is unparalleled. He first practically begs us, entreats us, urges us to never depart from His love and his "vine". He says that, although we may try, we can never do anything apart from Him. He talks about bearing fruit. It's what we're created for. He tells us that we can ask anything from Him related to growing His Kingdom and His glory and it will be given to us. Did you hear that? ANYTHING! We have unlimited building funds! We can set out completely not worried about the how's or if's of Kingdom building. He will do it. He just needs us to never leave His side. Amazing stuff. The whole rest of the chapter is amazing as well and it's very important to read it to understand the how's of furthering His Kingdom, and what will happen in the process. But after I read this chapter I went on to reading Ephesians 5 and 6, like I do each morning, arming myself with the weaponry He provides to me each day. And it struck me. Here in Ephesians, in the Complete Jewish Bible, it says clearly in verse 10, "Finally, grow powerful in union with the Lord, in union with His mighty strength!" So, abiding in Him, like He told His disciples and us to do in John 15, is fundamental and required if we are to use the weapons that He offers us to use. That is the first weapon - unity! Abiding, staying, resting, and never leaving His presence, His vine and His Word. This may seem small to some of you, but to me, it was the refreshment I needed this Monday morning. Everything we need is in His Word. It's living and active...and as you know, one of the weapons. It's all connected folks, it's all there. I have enjoyed this today - I hope you did too.

Oh by the way, as I am reading Rick Joyner's book The Final Quest, I am seeing another parallel to this theme of abiding. If you haven't picked it up, I highly recommend it. I don't know much about Joyner's other books, but this one is definitely not one to miss.

Kindergarten

Home-schooling is HARD! I have taught in a regular classroom. I have had gobs of students with disciplinary problems. I have had children with exceptionalities mainstreamed in my class. I have had students that did not speak English. But this, oh boy, this takes the cake. And frankly, I'm not sure why, but teaching to one child - your OWN child - is the biggest teaching challenge I've had. With the other students it was art, so they filed in, did the work and filed back out of the classroom. Phew! It didn't matter if blue paint got everywhere...the class ended at some point. The blue paint would be cleaned and it would be quiet again. With Lily I get to hear some reluctance like, "Can we just swing all day?" I get to hear, "Why? Huh? Who? How?" And there's always the 14th bathroom break. But it's so rewarding too. She truly loves learning at home. She brings me her books each morning so we can do Bible story and verses. She asks me to read another chapter so that she can know what happens to Peg and Maddie in "The Hundred Dresses". She gets the biggest kick out of our science experiments. She really loves the scientific, hands-on approach to life. So, I guess what I am saying is that it's hard and I love it. I know what she is learning is solid, good and challenging for her. I know that she's growing in the Lord each day as we listen (currently) to Moses telling the Israelites how to build the Tabernacle. (With a very confused face yesterday she asked me why Aaron would let the Israelites build a "gold baby cow with earrings?!" Too cute! We had a long discussion after that.) I know that it's all worth it. Even if my house doesn't get cleaned every day and if you came over unannounced you might gasp at the condition of our "home-school" house, where we learn all day, but we might not get to the dust bunnies.

How could you possibly not want to home-school this beauty? Especially when she has drawn such a lovely picture of her Mama!

This is a song by Sara Groves called "Like a Lake". I feel like posting it because it makes me think of all of those enduring sadness and pain right now, who are fighting to keep their hearts open. It also makes me think of those of us who are finally opening up after years of being "tight in a bud" refusing to bloom for fear of pain. So, for all who have ever hurt (and that is all of us): may these words inspire you to stay open to God and to His mighty love for you.

Like A Lake

so much hurt and preservation

like a tendril round my soul

so much painful information

no clear way on how to hold it

when everything in me is tightening

curling in around this ache

I will lay my heart wide open

like the surface of a lake

wide open like a lake

standing at this waters edge

looking in at God's own heart

I've no idea where to begin

to swallow up the way things are

everything in me is drawing in

closing in around this pain

I will lay my heart wide open

like the surface of a lake

wide open like a lake

bring the wind and bring the thunder

bring the rain till I am tried

when it's over bring me stillness

let my face reflect the sky

and all the grace and all the wonder

of a peace that I can't fake

wide open like a lake

everything in me is tightening

curling in around this ache

I am fighting to stay open

I am fighting to stay open

open open oh wide open

open like a lake

The Man in Black

We had a visit from our favorite "man in black" yesterday. He rode in on his motorcycle and stayed through lunch and naptime. It was so nice to see him and now the girls won't stop talking about his bike. Mirah keeps asking about his hands.

"Hans? Hans?" she will ask.

"Yes, Papaw had gloves," I say.

"He Head?" she asks.

"Yes, he has a helmet on his head," I answer.

We do this about 45 times and then she finally seems satisfied.

Lily had the big girl opportunity to have Papaw all to herself because little sister naps. So, she and Papaw decided to share a few books.

Then, as it neared time for Papaw to ride his hog home, he decided to catch a few z's with Lily's enormous bear, Pearly.

This caused Lily, who loves to share, to be a bit confused as to what to do. She loves Papaw dearly, and she wanted him to enjoy Pearly, but she was also perplexed as to how to function without her "big assistant" as she calls the bear.

But no worries, Lily knows that it's people before things, and that there is enough Pearly for everyone, so she quickly snuggled up to me until it was time for Papaw to wake up and hit the road.

We miss you already, Papaw. Thanks for coming to visit us! We love you!

It's time for some pictures!

There has been a lot to talk about lately, and that's all fine and dandy, but it's time to update you on the kiddos.

We have been doing a whole lot of fishing lately. We have been using ultralights and spinning reels, which is a slight departure for me. I am used to sitting there with a worm on my hook, fishing at the bottom of the pond. But, this is fun too! Sean and I have really enjoyed it and the kids have as well. Here are some pics from our outing today. We went to a pond out where Sean works (the Missouri National Guard Headquarters). It was pretty nice. There are TONS of wonderful fishing spots just minutes from our home. This was just a nice place to fish without any interruption, so we took advantage of our military status and used the pond. And as you will see, we made some memories.

These are the girls in the car waiting for Sean and I.

Silly gooses!

Lily found some treasure in Daddy's backseat.

Here's the new car. I call her "the redhead" because we already have a brownie and a blondie in the family, so it just made sense.

This is the "fish" we caught when we first arrived. We caught bigger ones, but honestly, not much bigger.

This is the pond on the property where Sean works. That's one of the buildings he works in up on the hill. There are many buildings and another pond, too. It's a huge place.

So, all was peaceful and quiet for the most part until Mirah decided to mix things up a bit. She's no fearful Minnow and so she decided that she might try her luck at actually being the bait. She went in so fast we couldn't catch her. She did NOT like it.

Sorry about the exposure here. Not sure why it's over exposed, but oh well. This is Mirah and I after I fished her out of the pond. She is crying pretty hard here, but I think mostly she just didn't like the surprise of it all. I bet, now that she knows what happens, that she will try this again. She recovered in lightening speed.

As you can see here, she's dry and happy again as she watches the Amtrak train from the truck window. The girl LOVES trains.

So, that was our adventure today! Pretty nice Columbus Day if you ask me! Hope everyone had a nice one too.

A beautiful song

I have heard this only a few times, but Sean played this early this morning and I had an encounter with Jesus. It's so beautiful. It's called "Come Thou Long Expected Jesus" by Charles Wesley.

Come Thou long expected Jesus,Born to set thy people free;From our sins and fears release us,Let us find our rest in Thee.Israel's strength and consolation,Hope of all the earth Thou art,Dear desire of every nation,Joy of every longing heart.
Born Thy people to deliver,Born a child yet a king,Born to reign in us forever,Now Thy gracious kingdom bring.By Thine own eternal spiritRule in all our hearts alone;By Thine all sufficient merit,Raise us to Thy glorious throne.

Continuing the Journey

Okay, you know how God is a jealous God, right? Right. He is, in case you shrugged just now. He really really is. And He likes to take every little thing in the lives of His children (if they will let Him, if they are willing) and use it to bring honor and glory to His name. I have been deeply challenged in the area of entertainment, like I mentioned in my last few posts. God wanted our family to really cleanse from the inside out. We are a no TV family. We don't do most movies. We listen to music that either honors God or is made by folks who love Him. We have artwork in our home that is edifying and lovely to remind us of His beauty and His creation. We wear clothes that flatter, but that are appropriate for establishing good character and a worshipful spirit. We read books and own books that we would want others to read. Books that bring honor to God either directly or through nature, science, art, etc. You may be thinking, "Wow. That sounds like NO fun at all." I used to think that way. In fact, there are times when my flesh gets chatty and starts to think that just giving in a little wouldn't hurt a thing...right? But it does matter. And this life is fun! It's fun to realize that I may seem totally strange and weird to you, but to my Maker and my Deliverer I am an obedient and truth-seeking woman who won't back down from her beliefs.

But...I found a disconnect. I found an area in which I had become fairly lackadaisical. Now, when I say that I don't mean I totally flaked and never cared, but the area of food has come into my line of vision. Another area for sanctifying? Huh? Really, God? (I did sigh at this, because I felt I'd already given up a lot...silly me.) So, I looked at my food. Mostly, we eat well. We eat well rounded meals that I would serve to any health conscious person. But, we aren't really trying to be super healthy. We don't watch portions or exercise the way we should. We aren't modeling that for our kids, to be honest. I really struggle with food. I love to eat and I have a serious sweet tooth. I never used to have to worry about weight or how clothes fit until after I had kids. Now, it's becoming more evident that I am a garbage can for whatever I'm eating. I don't really think I even taste it - it makes me feel better when I eat. It's medicinal, not nutritional. It's for feeling good, not growing stronger and appreciating the blessings. So, folks. I am thinking of making a 180 degree turn in my life. I am thinking this just isn't working for me anymore. I feel tired a lot. I feel lackluster. My hair and nails are clearly not growing fast and I don't drink enough water. My changes, in the areas that God has previously shined his light on, have been good, but hard. This one may take the cake...HA! Pun wasn't intended, but cake will definitely not be on the menu for a while.

And here's the deal. I love to cook. I love to bake. I'm not looking at a future deprived of food. I'm not looking at making low calorie foods or foods that have "replacements" in them that are artificial or streamlined commercially. I am wanting to go organic. I want to buy meat and veggies and fruits fresh and from the butcher. I know this may cost more, but I will have more money left over after I quit buying "snackie foods" that do nothing and hold no nutritional value. I want the kids to have good granola bars, don't get me wrong! But we need to say bye bye to packaged, high fructose corn syrup-filled, dye-laden treats. All they do is clog up our systems and teach our children that crud like that is what is good and yummy.

I know that this is a huge change. Frankly, I'm not sure what I can do to change the picky eaters in my family. Sean is no longer very picky. He doesn't like all the things I like, but he's getting there. And let's face it, not everyone likes ALL food the way I do. I never met a veggie I didn't like prepared at least two ways. But it's time to go natural. More fresh, more home-grown. Less packaged. Less convenient. I know this will be hard. I haven't made any actual changes yet...this is me talking about it. I am going to commit to continue on this journey though. I want to fill the void in me that food has filled for so long with The Holy Spirit. I want to taste my food again. I want to present my body as a temple before my Lord and King. My daughters need this as well. In this day and age, a girl can get so off track with her body and they need to see what truly matters.

Here is a quote from a book that I recently read by Dr. Dan Allender called To Be Told.

"My own failures in trying to lose weight serve as an apt illustration. I want to lose weight, but I've failed at it for more than a decade. I have lost and regained my excess weight enough times to have made at least five new people. I've failed to achieve my ideal body image. Why? Because I value something more deeply than I do my ideal body image. I value the image of a man who is satisfied, full and at rest. I am more passionate about having a full stomach than I am about being thin. The proof of that is, of course, my behavior.

My passion - eating good food and being full - is fortified by the belief that I can't control my life or my suffering, but when I eat, I feel good. And I value feeling good more than looking good or being healthy. Therefore, dieting works well until something in life discourages me. Then I discard the diet and start eating.

So we always choose what we value most, even when our choice does us harm. We won't change our behavior until we first recognize what we value most deeply and then honestly face how our passions reinforce what we really believe. We can change our beliefs, but doing so won't alter our behavior until our beliefs transform our values. We can change what we do, but the changes won't last if our values and convictions are not transformed."

So, Allender's struggle is very similar to my own. I have used food for so long as an "upper" or a "downer". As something that my mind and emotions needed more than for healthy living and sustenance.

Okay, then. I am committed to pray about my food changes. I am willing to seek out help from a nutritionist or naturalist if need be. But, it's time to make changes. As my counselor told me years ago, "When behavior stops giving you a pay-off, you change it." I was getting a pay off, but now God has upped the ante.

Anyone want to join us? Anyone have a good detox plan?

(by the way, if anyone is wondering who Dan Allender is and why on earth I would be quoting him, here and here are more about him)

Good, but hard

Galatians 6:9
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

I am becoming a little weary lately. With all the things God is asking of me and my family, I feel tired. I know what He is doing is wonderful and lasting and good, because He is those things, but He's peeling away so many layers of us that I'm starting to cringe a little. He asks a lot. He wants it all. He is jealous for me, for Sean and for these lovely little girls. I want to give it all, but I'm apparently hanging on to some old ideals/ways a tad more tightly than I thought. What do you do when you find yourself stripped away, exposed and tired from all the sanctification? I don't want to give up, but everything I know is being tested and the refiner's fire is one very hot place to be.

Do we really need an edge?

The answer to that question is no. Well, in a worldly sense the answer is no, but in a heavenly sense we already have an edge...we know Him! But, I was so lost for so long thinking I needed some edge or some kind of freaky cool angst to get through this world without getting hurt. My edge was anger. I thought, and was led by the enemy to believe, that if I ever gave up my edge of anger then I would basically be laying down on the ground asking people to walk all over me. I wanted desperately to follow God, don't get me wrong, but I had no idea how to replace this anger with something else. I held onto it, feeling like if I let it go then I would be giving up my power source. And that's when I realized...my anger had become an idol. My power source should be nothing other than that same power that flows from the Cross. My power source should be every Word that comes from the Mouth of God. My power source should be nothing, and I mean NOTHING found in this world. If it is, then I have fashioned for myself something that I believe will "save" me. And that, friends, is something I've tried to make as big as God, the only one who saves. So, this morning as I was listening to that song that says, "I'm trading my sickness, I'm trading my pain, I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord", I wondered to myself if I had truly traded my anger for trust, for joy, for shalom.
I have gone through some intense deliverance lately and a lot of it had anger at the root of it. Getting that out of my heart and my soul was like digging out the tap root that forms at the very deepest part of a tree. The one part that gets most of the nutrients - that's what had to be pulled out. I know that God has taken the place of that anger now, His Holy Spirit is daily filling me up, making sure that I am completely and wholly His in that area each day. But, there is a lot of temptation rolling my way. The enemy is apparently pretty ticked that he doesn't have my "edge" anymore. That was giving him a proverbial joystick in my heart by which he could maneuver me so easily. I refuse to back down and refuse to build my idol again.
I say no to my old edge and yes to the Lord. The pull to revert back can be so seductive and dark. He tries everything, pulling out all the stops. But I can't. I can't do that again. It aged me so much. It made me feel so old.
So, these days, as we draw closer to Halloween - a holiday that I used to like very much - the pull seems greater to scrap all the hard work I have done and all the work He has done and just do what's easy. As a family we don't celebrate Halloween and my daughter is getting a lot of flack for it - even in our homeschool community. People just don't know the depth of this holiday! It's frustrating. Could I just join back in and quit trying and appease the enemy and the masses? Sure. But by doing that I would be giving a teaparty to the one who wants to ruin my life. The ones that wants to ruin my children, my marriage, my heart, my home. It's a split second decision and I could have my edge back...but I choose the Lord. My edge is pitiful in comparison to the Lamb who sits on the Throne.
But it's so crazy how just an inch - just a tiny little "in" for the enemy can undo all that He has done.

Just another reminder

Sean showed this video to our family this morning. We were all in awe of, not only the planning and the actual experiment that took place, but the vastness of space. In some ways it's so small and in other ways it's so huge. It gave me serious chills. It makes me want to see God, but it also makes me have a healthy fear of His enormity and power. He. Is. Awesome. Enjoy the video, remember who made this place that we call home, and rejoice because we will be with Him someday. Praise His Holy Name!

Homemade Spacecraft from Luke Geissbuhler on Vimeo.

Alongside

I, with my whimsical ways and my slightly eclectic line of thinking, tend to miss small moments around me. I have gotten older and trained myself to stop, look and listen to the tiny joys of the day. I do fail, however. There are days when I have been lying in bed and could have just kicked myself. Journaling has helped. Blogging is another nice assistant in the harried life of a homeschool mom. But yesterday morning, as we were setting out for a small road trip to Springfield, MO. at 8am to pick up Sean's new 4Runner, I stopped, turned around and saw these four little eyes shining brightly at me. They were still a little sleepy and in an hour would have to stop to pee and have a snack, but for the moment, they were all smiles. I love this picture. It's so sweet and depicts what most of us experienced growing up: a car ride alongside our sibling(s). They are side by side. Growing up together, learning together, loving each other, and hopefully appreciating their vast differences along the way. I remember these days with Sam. Looking back I wish I would have cherished his little blonde head more. Wish I would have held his hand instead of drawing an invisible line down the middle of the backseat (but who doesn't do that?!). Anyhow, I appreciate him now. Even though last time I saw him he smeared his soggy orange rind all over my arm. Hmm. Some things just never change! Love you brother :)

May all of you with siblings be blessed this week as you think of them, as you reminisce about growing up together and meditate on all that has transpired over time with these beloved people. And remember, we're still metaphorically in the backseat, riding alongside them till our Savior returns. Let us each be a blessing.

He's the Man

This is a post specifically made so that I can brag on my husband.

Sean is SUPER handy. He can fix or make just about anything. But what makes him different from a lot of DIY-ers that I've met is that he reads a TON about the project before doing it. He never just jumps in, ignorant of any possible problems that might befall him. He plans. He prepares. He's really really really good. He blows me away. I love him so much and his projects around my house are a blessing to watch. As they take shape, whether he's done this specific remodel or attempted this kind of work before is not a concern of mine. I know it will be done right...the first time. I hope his daughters come to see all the amazing things he can do and the amazing ways that he does them. I am proud of him. I know God blesses the work of this man's hands. I praise the Almighty for the hands that work so lovingly on my home.

Here are some pictures of our new bathroom floor (minus the grout - that happens tomorrow morning, but it will be steel gray, so it won't look too much different than this) Here is also a picture of the girls "helping" their Daddy. It was so funny that morning. They just wanted to be all over him and he finally had to lay down the law. They weren't to go past the threshold of the door. So, being the kinds of girls they are, they sat at the absolute teeniest edge of the door before falling in on top of his tiling job.

Next, God has blessed us with a new lawn. We had a local company come out and re-shape and level our lawn. It was sloped toward the house and rainwater and foundations don't mix very well on a house built in 1925. They also took out this horrid "landscaping" that was done on the corner edge of our lot that I deemed "the quarry". I have no idea why someone would love red river rocks this much, but they used them...everywhere. So, we removed them and opted for grass. We were hoping only to seed yesterday, seeing as we aren't wealthy and cannot afford sod. But we got a call from the company that did the rock removal and re-shaping saying that they had a huge amount of leftover sod from another job...and did we want it...for free? Amazing! We couldn't believe it! So, yesterday I prepped the dirt. I put down a phosphate lawn starter and raked. I cannot feel my arms and legs today, but it was worth it. When Sean got home from work he put down the sod. We aren't completely finished yet, but we wanted to get as much on as possible due to the rainfall we ended up getting last night.

Here is our yard before the removal took place. Mostly weeds here, as you can see. I didn't even include much of my "quarry" in the picture because I didn't like it...that's putting it nicely.

And this, as of this morning, is my new lawn. We haven't done the area back by our screened in porch yet, because it gets very little sun. We need to cut down a dead tree back there before anything can grow. So, we are slowly piecing together our lawn. In about two years we will have such a smooth, velvety lawn that you all in KC will be driving down here just to lie in it and soak up the Mid-Missouri sun.

So, I know that earthly things aren't the things we should be getting too worked up over, but I am thankful for this beautification. Mostly, I'm thankful for the man God gave me to help me make things beautiful in this world. He reminds me that there is One who makes all things beautiful in it's own time. I can't wait to spend eternity basking in the beauty of my Savior, but for now, I will let the small, everyday beauties be a quaint reminder of what is to come. Thank you, Sean for being my battle buddy and partnering with me to make our house a home. I wouldn't lay sod at 10:30 at night with anyone else.

It's my birthday

It's time for me to be me.

I like my birthday and I'm okay with that.

I don't care if the rest of you still pretend to hate yours,

I like mine.

I love that I'm here and that I'm 31.

I see many women hating their age...they hate aging in general.

I have seen people shoo away congratulations.

I have seen people actually get mad about anyone "making a fuss".

Well, God is happy that I am here...

And doggone it, so am I.

Happy birthday to me!

Let's make a fuss!

Minnow

This post is for a little fish
My sweet Mirah Grace
She's my little buttercup
with her soft round face.

She can be both soft and loud
She goes with what she feels
The Lord has used her in my life
To explain what He reveals.

I would do anything for her
I will battle for her heart
But I know there's One who loves her more
From her He will never depart.

So, what's the point of this poem?
You might be wanting to know
It's just a little ditty for
My darling, my sweet, my minnow.

I love you, Mirah.

Last night, while visiting the KL congregation, someone had a word from the Lord for Mirah. (can I just tell you what a thrill it is to hear a word for your kid?) He said, and I summarize, that she will grow to know the depths of the Father's heart. I receive this and I pray it for you now, Mirah. May you always dig deeper, go farther, climb higher - just to be closer to Him. May you never be satisfied with status quo worship, prayer or knowledge. Go deep, little fish, swim deep into the ocean of His love. It doesn't matter that you are small, for He is with you. Swim, Minnow, swim!!

Celebration

Lily turned 5 on Sunday.

Our hearts are full. They are stretched at the seams with feelings for her.

Gratitude.

Pride.

Love.

Wonder.

Soft.

Fluffy.

Pink.

Butterflies.

Oh the joys of raising a Daughter of the King!

But something even greater happened.

Something that makes the seams of my heart burst open and love pour out all over the place...

LILY ASKED JESUS INTO HER HEART!

I could almost hear the Heavenly Hosts rejoicing!

I have never been more excited about anything!

My daughter

Is among

The saints

Who call to Him.

Who walk with Him.

Who know Him.

Who hear His voice.

Who will SEE HIS FACE.

I praise my Heavenly Father. I will be with Lily one day before the King of Kings. That makes it all seem worthwhile.

My daughter will see her Creator.

I couldn't ask for more.

She says she can feel Him.

And with tears in my eyes I tell her that He will always be with her.

She smiles and drifts off to sweet sleep.

It's real

I just want everyone to know some things about deliverance.

Deliverance is real.

Deliverance is now.

Deliverance is for us.

Deliverance is hard.

Deliverance is from HIM.

Deliverance is all that I ever hoped it would be.

Praised be The Holy One of Israel who delivers me out of the pit!! I am on my knees at your glorious beauty. I was enslaved and you freed me. I was stuck and you pulled me out. I was scared and now...well...now I'm not. Simple as that.

Hold tightly to Him and His ways.

Deliverance is today...are you ready?

My heart sings this today:

Psalm 34

Of David. When he pretended to be insane before Abimelech, who drove him away, and he left.

¹I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.

² My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

³ Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.

⁴ I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.

⁵ Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.

⁶ This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.

⁷ The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.

⁸ Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

⁹ Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.

¹⁰ The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

¹¹ Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.

¹² Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,

¹³ keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.

¹⁴ Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

¹⁵ The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;

¹⁶ the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.

¹⁷ The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.

¹⁸ The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

¹⁹ A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;

²⁰ he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.

²¹ Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.

²² The LORD redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

A prayer request for a friend

My dear friend Tricia here in Jefferson City has informed me of some news and I would like to ask all my friends to please pray with me for her husband, Brad.

Friday morning Tricia, who was awake at 4am feeding their brand new third son, looked over to see her husband begin to have a seizure in bed. After what seemed like an eon he finally stopped convulsing. She called 911 and the ambulance came within minutes to take him to St. Mary's here in town. Brad is an anesthesiologist there at the hospital, so all the paramedics knew him already and were very very good at reviving him and making him semi-conscious. Tricia could not go with him because her newborn, along with her two older sons were sleeping quietly in the adjoining rooms. After being taken to the ER and going through many tests and scans they have located a mass in his brain. They believe that the mass is "dormant", however they can't go in and take a biopsy because they could very easily damage the area around the mass which controls his speech, taste, smell and emotions. But they are watching it very closely with MRI's for the next few weeks to see if it grows or moves or shifts or anything. If there is any change whatsoever they will remove the mass. For now, they have Brad on seizure medicine and it seems to be working very well.

All this said, my friends are doing very well. They are strong Christians and are seeking Him in every aspect of their lives. They are grateful for each day they get to spend together. There is no diagnosis for Brad yet, really, so they are just trying to focus on God, their family and the tiny moments they get each day that they overlooked before. Major transformation is happening in the family right now. They are thanking God for this eye-opening experience and are standing, arms and hearts wide open, to receive whatever lesson they are to learn or whatever load they are to carry. They aren't sad or scared or nervous. Some days are better than others, I mean it was an overwhelming experience for everyone, but overall they are focused.

Pray that the enemy doesn't get a foothold here. Pray that they draw so close to God that the shadow of His Wing is the only place they want to be. Pray for the sons; the scare of losing a Daddy is hard for the oldest who is Lily's age. He is a little worried about his super hero Papa, understandably. I have a lot of practice in helping Lily overcome many fears, so just pray that I can be an encouragement to this little dude. He's precious, thoughtful and he's feeling a little shaken.

Pray as you feel led, but please pray that this mass disappears. Pray that if it's the Lord's will the mass will not be able to be found at his next MRI. Pray that God's will would be done in all things. Pray that Tricia keeps on keepin' on and that she has strength to help her 3 sons and her husband. She has to drive Brad around now because he can't drive for 6 months. He has to be seizure-free for that long in order to drive again.

Praise the Lord for this family. Praise the Lord for this tumor. Praise the Lord for an eternal perspective. Praise the Lord for His infinite wisdom and tenderness. Praise the Lord because He knows what He's doing. This is His timing and His way. We do not question it, but we do ask, Lord, for your mercy and love to pour out to this family. In your name we ask these things, keeping You at the forefront of our minds at all times, Amen.

Ask and keep on asking

A few months ago I was lamenting to my brother and sister that I didn't have a tight-knit community here with whom I could share my beliefs, my pondering, my heart, my longings or my epiphanies. I was feeling low. I was feeling down in the dumps because I had a church, but it felt like I was in a relationship that was unequally yoked. (This is not me putting myself on some spiritual pony, saying I am so far above in spiritual growth that no one "gets" me. No way.) The hubby and I felt discouraged. But, Sam, in all his thoughtfulness turned to me and very slowly asked, "have you asked HIM to give you a community?" I shook my head yes. Surely I had asked, right? I mean, I've been talking' to the Lord since childhood. I'm certain I asked...right?

Nope. I did some praying and thinking and realized that I had just skipped that part. I took the "ask and keep on asking" line in the Bible and turned it into "sit and keep on complaining". Ugly stuff. But God, in His infinite wisdom and love beckoned me to Himself. He lured me (I'm seeing a fly-fishing line going through the clear running water here) and He brought me to Him. I sat on His lap and lay there, asking, begging for Him to provide those that "call to the Lord out of a pure heart".

Bless the Almighty in his lovingkindness and mercy!!!! (Just give me a sec, my eyes are all teary...praise with me!)

We have some friends (I'll get pics of them soon...they run fast so it's hard to get good shots ;). Kevin and Allyse Keeney and their two sons, Mikey and Jack, and their daughter Cadence have been our friends for a little while now. We met them years ago, but the relationship has really taken off the past few months. Sean has been in a men's group with Kevin for a year now and Allyse and I are embarking on this home-school thing together very soon (as in a few days) and so the togetherness just keeps happening. We're together a lot. We have been going through a lot of spiritual changes separately and it's amazing the parallels we have found in our families. Long story short, I have been longing for the Jewish traditions in my Gentile life and wouldn't you know it!!? THEY approached US about doing Sabbath together! I mean, what!? Wow. God is amazing. Not only that, but we visited their small church yesterday - you know, to get to know them even better - and WHAM! it was like walking into the middle of a river and getting sucked under. The Holy Spirit was moving. Moving. Moving. Moving. I was overwhelmed. I was blooming inside. I was home. God was alive and real and tangible and...well, now it's all changing. Life is about to change. We have been blessed with all this - literally we have blessings falling in our lap.

All this because I asked. Have you asked? I mean really? I'm not trying to belittle those of you who have been truly asking for years...you are the blessed ones talked about in Matthew 5. May His peace rest on you. I didn't ask, though. I just complained. All I'm saying is that there is a huge difference. I'm glad I see the difference now. I praise the Almighty for His provision.

Come, Lord. COME!

In the way SHE should go

My girls couldn't be more different. If I listed all the little ways they are opposite it would shock most of you. I won't bother with that list because it's too long and that's not exactly what this post is about. I have been praying very hard lately about my girls and about the way each of them should be raised, considering their differences. I want to keep myself aware at all times of the special, God-given talents and strengths that they each posses so that I can train them in the way they each should go...and that may be in totally different directions.

Mirah is very little, but has a very big personality. She is always laughing, talking, asking, or dancing. She wants to be in the middle of whatever is happening. She is the life of the party. She loves the spotlight and loves attention. We are usually laughing when she is awake. She is stubborn and I know will be a force for the Lord as she grows. The girl is spunky and so very very sweet.

Then there is Lily. She, as I already wrote, is very tender and feeling. She is a typical (almost) 5 year old. She is silly and ridiculously hilarious at times. But Lily is different. Her silly is different. She goes so deep into things. She's shy, but not with those she trusts. She doesn't like to be with large crowds, but enjoys the company of a few close friends. She's very inquisitive, but only to a point. She thinks on things, deeply and for a long time. She figures stuff out by talking about it with me. She processes things. She has a whole spectrum of personality. She's not always "sunny" but that doesn't mean she isn't happy. She is contemplative. She is also stubborn and I know will do many wonderfully stubborn things for God.

All this said, I am trying to be led by our patient Heavenly Father as I figure out what Lily needs for school. She went to preschool last year and did great. That's actually the problem. She knows it all. The next step for her is Pre-K because she doesn't make the cut-off for Kindergarten this year. Her birthday is too late (but only by 22 days). So, I have decided to homeschool her this year. We are going to do some Kindergarten stuff now because she's ready for it. I have gotten some flack from people asking if she will ever be "socialized" or "learn social skills". BAH! Ridiculous! The girl can converse intelligently with most adults! So, we are doing what we feel the Lord is asking us to do. Training her up in the way SHE should go. She is not interested in going to school, but wants to read, do science, and learn learn learn. She is a perfect candidate for this. Mirah on the other hand, well, who knows what she will need. Right now it's looking like she will love being in a classroom with other kids. She seems to flourish in the group setting. But who knows. All I know is that I have an obligation to them and to God to give them what He is asking me to give them. A life that raises them up to be strong, caring, humble, and wise warrior princesses for Him.

The Blood

In response to Susan's new blog entry about Twilight's flippant and perverted use of blood, I am posting something that reminds us what the blood is all about. I wanted to post the video of Jars of Clay's version with The Blind Boys of Alabama (LOVE it), but the videos that folks have made leave something to be desired. This one is just a choir of voices singing (the maker cited the Gaithers) and it's nothing flashy, but to hear the saints sing about the blood...ahhh, it's so beautiful. Enjoy and Praise our Savior for his ultimate sacrifice.

My Barometer

This is my oldest daughter, Lilian Faith. She is the spiritual barometer in our family. I recently have come to terms with the fact that our Heavenly Father is using this child to impact our family in ways that we never dreamed. She has insight. She dreams dreams that speak to me. She doesn't exactly know it yet, and I haven't figured out how to tell her, but her dreams are either direct spiritual parallels to what is happening in our home or they are indications to me of what needs to be happening in our home. Sound crazy? Ask me months ago and I would have said that it was, but not now. She is being used to create change. I knew that the moment I met her almost 5 years ago this August. She was sent to us to be an agent of change - to shed light onto things that are too dark and need light. Like me. Like all of us. It was prophesied before she was born that she would always "look to the Light" the way a lily flower does - pointing its face to the sun. She does that. She longs for the light and the truth and for the Son. She longs for it so much that her dreams give indication of something blocking it - something that is keeping her from warming herself in the Light of the Son. I praise the Almighty for this. It can seem overwhelming at times, the sensitivity that she has, but praise his Holy Name for it!!! I pray that she never loses this. May the One who gave her this gifting, show her and her family how to mold it and shape it and use it for the good of the Kingdom. Amen.

Keep my sweetie in your prayers. She is being led by Him more and more and I know the enemy is mad. It's AWESOME.

"The 11"

This is the meal that I made for us a few nights ago. Sean called it "The 11". I normally don't toot my own horn, nor do I photograph the things I cook, but I made an exception because Sean made me. So, here! Enjoy the purdy food pic.

I am thinking I may have to start taking pics of the creations I make. I so enjoy cooking and baking and enjoy photography just as much, so we'll see...could be a new hobby for me, no?

If you love good food and great food photography look at the blog I follow called smittenkitchen - it's fabulous.

Summer Update

We have done a lot of fun little things this summer. We haven't taken a big trip or had anything super duper amazing happen, but we've had lots of little fun times. I am not one of those people that needs a huge summer. I know lots of you take vacations (which I, too, will do someday) and lots of you visit faraway relatives. Some of you busy yourselves with lots of creative time and I do get to partake in some of that, but mostly this summer we have just been thanking our marvelous God for each other. All of our extra money right now is being used for renovations and so we just hang around our town and our house and grill and play and paint and watch sunsets...and realize what is truly important in life.

Here are some pics of some great moments we've had together.

This is Lily holding a Monarch butterfly at the Butterfly Festival we went to in KC with Auntie Cass, Maasen, Leah, Cassidy and Mamaw. (oh, and those are Monarch wings Lily is wearing...we just had to get into the spirit of things :)

These are my bathing beauties in our ghetto pool set-up in the backyard. We might not have a super awesome pool, but we have a crocodile fountain AND a castle slide! Ye-haw!

These surprise lilies just popped up in our backyard near our stone wall. I know they're super common, but every time I see them I think of my Grandma Violet calling them "naked ladies". I miss her still.

This little guy is living at the base of our tree. I mistakenly took this shot with auto focus on, so it zeroed in on the plant, but I just had to include our little guy in his happy little home. And it's so cute when Mirah goes out there and yells, "Oh Toooaaa! Oh Toooaaa!"

This last pic is actually from the 4th of July weekend, but it's so lovely that I just couldn't leave it out. I love that the girls' hair is totally wispy and free. The look just kind of sums up how our summer has been. No frills, but lots of beauty.

As far as our spiritual growth is concerned, we have much to learn still, but we are walking in Spirit and Truth. God is showing us new truths each day that we can take hold of and begin walking in. We are building a heritage for our children that is lasting, sure and godly. He is so faithful and is also very intense. I am finding that when you begin to ask Him to show you things in your life that need changing, that need a re-working from the inside out, He begins to blow through the walls of your home, your heart and your life in ways you never thought possible. He is a jealous God that wants nothing less than all of us. Trusting Him to clean out my cobwebs, to go into areas that no one has seen - so much liberation! So much love! I cannot believe I have lived this long without this much freedom. Wonderful thing is, there's more freedom to be had each day.

Like I said in our very first post, we don't have it all together. Hope this doesn't sound that way. We aren't claiming perfection. We are claiming Him to be perfect and are asking Him to use us for His glory. "He who began a good work...will be faithful to complete it...".

Thanks for perusing our summer and sharing our walk of faith. May He have all the glory and honor and praise.

His Will

I have attempted to post some hilarious videos of my kids doing hilarious things. For example, I have a video of Lily playing the Nintendo Wii at my grandparents house. She totally busted a move and won the hula hoop game. It was awesome! And my other video is Lily listening to music on my parent's computer. Mirah decides to dance and then high-five everyone for how awesome she is. LOVE it! So, be patient, these videos will come. I am having to figure out how to lessen the quality and size of the video so it will fit. My computer savvy husband would be helping me, but he has been up to his elbows in bathroom remodeling (at which, btw, he is totally amazing!). So, I'm on my own and I'm going to get them to you soon. Promise.

But all hilarity and super cuteness aside, things have been "going on" in our house. Things that are very important and very deep. God is blowing through this place like a Mighty Rushing Wind. He is showing us all some very deep corners of our lives and minds that were not handed over to his Holy Spirit at the time of salvation. This is working our faith out. If it were "one and done" then we'd all be set, wouldn't we? There would be no challenge. No "seek and ye shall find". No "knock and the door will be opened". We would have no need to seek or knock. I thank and praise the Most High for calling us out of darkness and into his Marvelous Light. He is the Author and Perfecter of our Faith and I want him to keep scouring us. I want him to take us through the refining fire - this is his will for my family.

I have much to share about it, but as far as details go, they just keep happening. They just keep pouring out. So, I will journal about this in my notebook and write it all out so that no little thing that the Lord has done or will do will go un-praised. I want Him to get all the glory. I will share details with you...another promise for another post. Right now, we are fresh and raw and are laid open on the operating table of God. This is no outpatient surgery. This is reconstruction. There will be a time for sharing...it's not time yet. Keep us in your prayers. He is about to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we ever dared to ask.

On second thought here is one detail...

I am PRAISING. Did you catch that? ME! Once choked by shame, I'm praising! Once held by pride, I'm praising! Once riddled with anxiety, I'm praising! Once shaking with fear, I'm praising! And you know what!? Things are changing. Not just a little housework or cobweb cleaning going on. We are talking full scale redemption here, folks. I want you to know that if it can happen for me, it can happen for you. I once was lost...but now I'm found.

Give Him the Glory!

More later. Much love to all.

The Running Over

This is when my cup runs full. Days like these, with all of us together makes my heart burst. To see my kids run into the arms of their loving relatives is more than enough to make me tear up. I am such a blessed Mom to have Godly relatives committed to maintaining a Godly atmosphere in which my kids can be nurtured, even when away from their hometown. What a huge blessing it is to have a spiritual family and a natural family that's intertwined.
Here are some pics from our 4th of July weekend. We had so much fun with Grandaddy, Grandma Signe, Mamaw, Papaw, Unkie Sam, Aunt Cassie, GiGi, Papaw Bill, Aunt Faith and William. We love you guys!

This is a pic of Grandma Signe with "her people" (as she likes to call her girls).

These folks are the infamous Unkie and Aunt Cass. Here, they are trying to steal their nieces (who look real sad, right? ha!)

Papaw with his new bike (lookin' good, Dad!) and Sam with his Sugar Scoot. May the best hog win.

For Good Measure

Well you can't start a blog and just keep people waiting for pictures. Plus, I have a really really nice camera that my super wonderful husband got for me for my 30th birthday. Ahem. I'm almost 31. It's time to share some pictures.

So, here are some from a few months ago. I know, I know. I'll get more recent ones, I assure you. But for now, these will have to do. My parents came to visit and we walked around the capital building here in good ol' Jefferson City. Aren't those girls just the bee's knees?

Thanks

A "thank you" needs to go out to two people. First, my sis-in-law, Cassie for urging me to start blogging again and pleading with me to see pics and read stories about her nieces. I needed to start this about a year ago, so thank you.
A second thank you to my Mom. She came up with the title...although she's not aware of that fact yet. She always says this to my daughters and I when she sees us. It's become something we count on and look forward to when we see her. We love to hear her say she loves us, "big as the sky."

We are the Cochrans. This is where you will find us. We will tell you what we're learning, how we're growing and hopefully you will learn and grow with us. We don't have it all together and we feel that "normal" is just a setting on the dryer. We love our God and His people and are committed to knowing both more deeply and serving both with gladness.

This is who we are. We have much more to say, but nap time is almost over.